The list item I am currently working on is tearing out the m****** f****** yard. I apologize for my bad language which is not typical of me (except lately for some reason I’ve been using the f word a lot, sorry mom!) but if nothing else deserves such bad language, my yard does. My house was an estate sale, and no, no one died in the house. Apparently though the old lady who lived in it before us lived to garden. Much of our yard has been gardened and it’s infuriating. The reason is that I’m sure at one time it was lovely but from what we have been told, she got sick the last one to two years of her life and couldn’t keep it up. The house was then on the market for almost a year and her family definitely didn’t see a need to keep the yard up. All of these things + 2 years of living there with minimal work done to it (unbelievably there were more important projects to work on first + our wedding) = a jungle in the midst of Northern Kentucky.
This Spring/Summer we have been in a good position to work on it. Jon and I have been really bad about wearing any protective items because we’re tough and awesome, or so I thought. I have been warned to stop wearing flip flops while shoveling (I know, I know) and to watch out for poison ivy (which I have never experienced so am clearly not allergic to so why wear long sleeves in 104 degree weather??). Well, one particular day I tore out this fairly small area that was just jam packed with horrible greenery. The next day I found this weird bump on my toe and then broke out on my nose (infuriating b/c I am 27 and should not be breaking out). I then found a few bumps on my arm. I started panicking about what I am allergic to now as I had literally just recovered from a hive attack after being exposed to a laundry additive that makes your clothes smell good (I can’t help that I’m a delicate little flower!). More and more bumps started showing up so I asked Dr. Mom to look at it. She immediately said, “That’s poison ivy.” I mean duh, I should have put that together but I honestly thought I wasn’t allergic. My mom is smarter than me though and is a poison ivy expert because if she stands near it and the wind blows I swear her eyes swell shut.
As the hours and days passed the rash continued to spread…my chin, the sides of my face, neck, my arms, literally covering my stomach (including the inside of my belly button, vom) and thighs, and my bikini line (I swear I had shorts on). My WTB hubs kept encouraging me to go to the doctor but I kept saying no because I’m stubborn and well, just plain dumb. The reason I was saying that is because by the time I really realized how bad it was, parts of me were already healing. However, for those of you fortunate enough to have never experienced this atrocious reaction, there are not words to describe how truly miserable it is. When you have one bump it is really annoying but when it is covering your entire body you want to rip off every piece of your skin. Again, I am dumb. Finally, when I developed an unrelated case of bronchitis did I go to the doctor. While I was there, I showed her part of my rash (PART, mind you) and the horrified reaction from her really made me feel better (I for realsies love my doc). She shot me up with some steroids and I’m now back in the game.
This story was just to illustrate the use of mfing and why I hate working on my yard. I will forge on though b/c I’m a bad ass… and also because I now shower with Dawn after every single time I do yard work.
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